She Shares

This week in my little quiet time, I've really been looking at my motives.
What is the purpose of my reading, my doing, and my speaking?

In Mark, it says
"Nothing outside a man can make him 'unclean' by going into him. Rather, it is what comes out of a man that makes him 'unclean.'

So I asked myself: What 'evils' are coming out of me?


Jealousy, Spite, Control.

Its so hard to put those words out there.


My desire for perfection is a disease.

It is constantly affecting all parts of my life.

Which leads to jealousy when I'm not doing it right and someone else is.

Then I try to control my surroundings to create an environment where I will be perfect.

And by whose standards?

Mine of course.

Its a real, nasty cycle that I create.

A place where I cannot be content with my flaws and imperfections.

Where I believe that I am failing those around me.

Where I know that its only a matter of time before those around me see how messy I am.

And then I am alone.


Loneliness.

That is what I fear.

Sitting alone
with nothing more than myself
the person who has pushed everyone away.

So what does that have to do with what Jesus said in Mark...
I believe that like the Pharisees, I am so concerned with rules and not looking within to solve the problem.
Jesus was speaking to the Pharisees and telling them that it is in faith and love for GOd and others that we are glorifying God. Not through following a bunch of rules.
so .....
Where in my life am I not glorifying God?
There is no formula for perfection because I was bought at a price and accepted for my flaws.

SO STOP TRYING TO BE SOMETHING YOU AREN'T HANNAH!!

Confidence.


In those moments of loneliness, I must look in the mirror and face my ugliness.
Not try and cover it up, but accept it.

In that I will find my confidence.

A confidence on my faith in Christ can provide.

I need to stop looking at this 'ideal' I have created.


thank you for letting me share :)