What my daughter has taught me

You here it all the time "your kids will change you." "They'll teach you patience."

Sure sure, I understood that because being a teacher, I learned so much from my students.

But things are much more personal when the lessons come from your children.

But Lil has taught me how resilient children are. It was always a fear of mind that I would have to go back to work. That fear was crippling. When it was brought up, I refused to let it be an option. My thoughts were "I can't do that to her," "She'll never forgive me," "It will ruin her." It brought me to tears often. I felt that I would be choosing work over her. The love that I had for her has grown immensely and her adaptability with me going back to work has made me comforted and proud. Even though I am only working part-time, I miss her dearly during the days and often have to give myself a reality check that I am NOT ruining her.

Lil has taught me how learning is a process, not a destination. Being a teacher, I was destined to make sure my babies were the smartest. That they would be walking first, talking up storms and initiating friendships with others. I wanted to be able to brag about how 'advanced' she was. Thank you Lilly for not letting me be like that. Seriously, who likes to be around those people?!!! As others around her were crawling and getting into things, Lilly would sit and watch. She would entertain herself with a toy and was content with watching things around her. As her first birthday approached, I was eager to want to push her into walking. But I was reminded to as to what kind of parent I wanted to be: A Pusher or An Encourager. I chose the latter. And its been such a rewarding experience to see now all that she can do. Not because I pushed her, but because she developmentally can. I love to see her work problems out and be persistent. I love to see how cautious and calm she is. Its her personality after all. Despite the comments "Oh you just got an easy one," I truly believe that it is our approach to child rearing and finding the one that encourages and brings out the best in children. Even though it sometimes makes me sad that Lilly is in such an independent stage, I am SOOO PROUD that she has developed confidence in herself.

The life of a little one IS hard. Its so easy to say, "What's so hard, you're a baby. You've got it made." I know I am guilty of it. But seriously, imagine being in a place, you've never been and trying to communicate and navigate it all. When you ask someone in this new place a question. They mutter something to you. You continue to ask. That would be very difficult.They get more upset. You ask one more time, and they shout at you and point for you to leave. Do you get where I'm coming from (if not, I have a weird affinity for analogies, if it doesn't make sense, I apologize)And although Lilly gets, what I think, is frustrated easily, all of this really is new for her. And she hasn't yet developed the ability to make choices, rationalize, or understand the why. For goodness sakes, I still don't understand the why. I really feel like this lesson is the most important one I've learned. It's so easy to think that our stage of life is the most difficult, but I think we've got it easier than the little ones. They are learning trust, learning independence, learning about their environment.

What a blessing it is to be able to have a little one. To see them grow. Babies are such a reminder to love the simplicity in life and be challenged by the BIG world around us!

What lessons have you learned from others?

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If I could write a parenting book...

If I could write a book on parenting ,half of it would be dedicated to teaching your child how to sleep. 

Seriously!!

I've read so many books on the topic that even the librarian noticed. She asked me how lil was doing. ;)

It's been no mystery to those arounde how much I've been struggling with helping lil to get enough sleep. 

Since about December she was entering a weird state where she would only sleep for 20 minutes. I scolded myself at what a horrible parent I was. Despite everyone telling me "it will get easier," I just didn't believe them.

I learned during this time that babies don't enter a heavy sleep until after 20 minutes of falling asleep. 

t night we were still nursing Lil to sleep so I knew at least she was getting some rest. 

We tried everything; from getting her to soothe with a paci, car rides, ergo walks, and stroller rides. Although I got in great shape from exercising everyday, sometimes twice, a part of me knew that our lives could not always be doing this. 

5 months later nothing changed. We still nursed her to sleep or pushed her in a stroller for naptime. 

I decided to give cry it out a try. 

This method went against everything in my mamaness stood for. 

After about a month of trying it, it worked. Lil would cry/whine for about 10 minutes and be asleep. 

Scene: We change her diaper, give her Melvin, turn on Pandora to Rockabye Baby music, close the blinds, and put her in her crib.

Side note; I want to explain how we did this. I first had to notice when lil would get tired. She would rub her eyes and become fussy. If after 20 minutes she didn't settle down, we did without a nap, which was very difficult. On occasion when learning her sleep cycle I did let her cry for an hour. 

Okay so we got her to fall asleep, but no more than 1 hour would she sleep Nd I knew she needed at least 3 hours of naps during the day. That I was confident in. 

What was it?

I soon recognized that she was waking up sweating and put two and two together and began putting her to sleep in just a diaper. This helped quite a bit. It still got warm in her room occasionally due to the triple degree weather :(.

Then came night time in the crib.

We decided as a family that we would wait until after our vacation to do so. We stopped a few of her middle of the night feedings while in Tahoe. When she'd wake we'd bounce her back to sleep or sometimes just let her cry in our bed until she found a comfortable position. 

Then came the moment. We put her in without a night feeding. She woke up about an hour later and we brought her to our room. This happened twice. On the third night, SHE DID IT!!! SHE SLEPT 13 HOURS.

I still didn't get as much rest due to the fact that I was worried she wasn't breathing in there.

Happy to say that she is doing great and though its not perfect, this was the right time for us. She's growing up so much!!

How did sleep training go for you?

Baby Go To Sleep Sleep

To sleep train or not? I feel like this is a question plaguing me for the past month.

Why can't I just have confidence in my our parenting?!

I know at some point Little Miss needs to be in her crib, but there is that one thought that keeps creeping back into my mind...

She just wants to be held.

And I have no problem with that.

A lot of the sleep training that I agree with has you go into the child's room and soothe them back to sleep even if that means 100 times a night.

That scares me.

Cosleeping has been so nice as once Little miss goes to sleep. She pretty much stays asleep (minus a night feeding and a few nursing to pacify moments).


I do think I need to create a bedtime routine.


Here is the plan:

6:00: bath
6:15: story and/or song
6:30: nurse
6:45: lay to sleep


I'm gonna be working on this and know that I do need to be flexible with her schedule as things come up.

What does your child's bedtime routine look like?

Don't Wake A Sleeping Baby

WARNING!! 

The following post is written from a personal standpoint and is not meant to judge or criticize anyone.

I was so good about reading up on attachment parenting BEFORE Lilly was born, so I was so confident in my parenting style.

I guess I didn't read enough because now that in the thick of it.

I feel lost.

I feel subject to people's criticism.

I feel sensitive

I feel unsuccessful.

I know that "all babies are different" but I can't seem to shake my need for striving toward perfection when I feel helpless.

I break down. I stress out. And I have a mopey session.

But rest assured. I have felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.

My confidence as a parent will never be found in perfection and I have to let it go.

I read an article on sleeping and realized its NOT my fault.

There is so much pressure to have a baby be independent so young and I have rooted my beliefs in attachment parenting because that works for us.

In this article by Dr. Sears, it states
"An important fact for you to remember is that your baby's sleep habits are more a reflection of your baby's temperament rather than your style of nighttime parenting. And keep in mind that other parents usually exaggerate how long their baby sleeps, as if this were a badge of good parenting, which it isn't. It's not your fault baby wakes up."

That is seriously all I needed to hear.
It's not my fault.

I'm not ruining my baby.

I also learned that the reason Lilly was waking up after 20 minutes was due to her sleep cycle. Babies don't fall into deep sleep right away. They have a period of light sleep beforehand.

I should have read this a while ago, but I glad I have now!!

I really want to stress that this isn't for everyone. Keep in mind, I'm that crunchy mom who had her baby at home in a tub ;)

How did you make it through sleepless nights with your little one?

Becoming Babywise...I guess I'm not.

So before I started this book, I didn't think I would find anything useful! Well I did. But you are going to have to sort through my sarcasm and anger when I originally posted this.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Is it just me or does this book have a negative tone?

It seems more than a little judgemental.

I will first off say that I am a mother who believes in demand feeding.

My big issue is that Ezzo makes demand feeding look ridiculous. In fact he says that this can create child centered parenting, which 'if you parent this way, you yourself may end up with some form of psychosis.'

RUDE!

I'm sure he was just being funny...

The book harps a lot on sleep patterns and feeding, well in regards to scheduling. I do agree (WHAT?!, I know) that an infant can't rule the household. There needs to still be time for mom and dad to strengthen their relationship. With that being said I don't think that creating a rigid schedule does that. With my little one, she fell into a pattern on her own. I do believe that not all babies are like her. She didn't suffer with colic or any infant ailments. Enzo says that by creating a predictable schedule a baby shouldn't suffer from colic. Not sure that I agree on that one.

And of course the dreaded sleeping with your child debate. He states that not only could you roll over your child, but you shouldn't create a routine that you will eventually need to retrain. So I guess I should throw out my diapers and work on elimination communication. Isn't potty training retraining? My other argument with those against co-sleeping is don't I co-sleep with my husband? So me, a grown woman, is able to sleep with someone else, but my 3 month old can't. Oh that makes sense now...(sorry for the sarcasm).

Co-sleeping is a positive philosophy for me because I have read that:

it decreases SIDS

it is easier to breast-feed, other cultures do it, fall back asleep easier, and bonding is greater

regulates breathing patterns for babies

(those are just a few)

Here were a few articles about co-sleeping deaths and alcohol and drugs

http://clintonherald.com/local/x211862167/Man-charged-in-baby-s-death

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2012/04/vanessa_clark_second_sids_deat.php

So why is not safe to co-sleep with your baby? Oh if you are on drugs or are drunk....got it! I hate media sometimes.

Back to the book: Overall the book was really harsh and really only mentioned that you can parent two ways. 

You can parent with a schedule or you can let the baby make the schedule. And if you do the latter you are a horrible parent.

Realistically, we all know that there are several ways to parent. There will be times that I let things get by, that are schedule required flexibility. I have probably fed Lilly more than waiting for her to cry it out.

I did agree that babies do have feeding, waketime, then sleeptime However, I just don't think you should lump babies together into two categories.

My overall opinion of this book is that I am glad I red it, but I don't think I would recommend it. 

Let's face it...I'm an attachment parent and if that means I have to 'retrain' my child eventually to sleep on their own, then so be it. :)

What are your thoughts on Babywise? Have you read it?

Simplicity Parenting

I just finished...well it was due back to the library with 2 chapters left and I already renewed it a few times (hehe), but most of it was repetitive and related it to different things (i.e., schedules, eating, environment, etc). I really liked this book, but it was a bit boring to read, not as exciting as other books I've read. It addressed the issue of overstimulation for kids and how some behaviors are increased when there is too much stimuli. I found this to be very true. I n my experience as a teacher, I have learned to keep the walls a bit bare, not covered from corner to corner with things. This reduces the amount of stimuli in a child's environment.

I believe it to be very important for children to explore and be outdoors often. I think about how many times I got stung by a bee as a kiddo, but rarely do I hear kids getting stung by a bee, there seems to be more allergies.

It also mentioned the fact that an overly anxious child can become OCD if there is too much stimuli in their daily diet (lifestyle).

I really liked this book because it validated how I was feeling about too many toys, too much media, and too much flavor. Is that bad?! 

It discussed limiting toys and only having some that they play with and are age appropriate. There are what is called fixed toys, toys that do not allow a child to explore with any imagination,. Toys that only beep, or roar, but don't offer creativity like a baby doll does. They  didn't suggest throwing away toys, but storing them away. There are those special toys that Uncle Bobby or Grandma Jane bought that you may need to have out when they come visit, but they don't have to be out all the time. I found this to be wonderful. I loved Lincoln Logs as a child for I could create homes and different houses. I never got into Legos, but am still amazed at the creative creations that are made by little minds.

I must be honest and say that I hate video games. HATE is such a strong work...that is why I am using them now. Yes, yes there is research stating that it can help hand-eye coordination. But probably not more than throwing a ball and learning to catch. So that research really does not convince me. If it didn't lead to wasted time and create an overdrived state of a child, I might think video games are okay...but probably not!!

It also talked about the overwhelming flavors that kids are exposed to. Flavor-packed artificial flavors that have been created and not discovered. I do want my child to be able to eat what I eat, which is a range of veggies and fruits. Radishes, brussel sprouts, onions, bell peppers, kale, and just about every other funky type of veggie. I don't want her to crave ranch flavored things...that's gross!

If you know anything about me...I'm a little bit hippie, deep down and want my little ones to love whole foods, organic, and clean. I love meat and fish and I want my children to do as well. I'd love to get away from eating crummy food from restaurants (not just fast food, some sit down restaurants offer yucky calorie-filled foods).

Well I would very much recommend this book, but you probably don't have to read the whole thing!!

4.5 stars!!

How do we feel about Pacis?

So I'm still struggling with the idea of giving Lilly a paci (binky, blow, pacifier, whatever the name). Anyone with me? She is two months old give or take and I struggle internally to want to give her something to pacify her. I never used one as a kiddo, but that makes me a rare case. I guess I'm leaning more toward giving her one when she can ask for food. My primary reason is right now she can only communicate through crying and usually needs to eat, sleep, or diaper change. Yes, she does nurse to sleep to help her, but I'm still so attached to her, I don't think she really needs it yet?!

I read this post and it talked about the benefits of paci use and how it can prevent SIDS, but also paci use can be linked to more ear infections (waiting 6 months is preferred to avoid this). It also discusses waiting until baby is a skilled nurser to prevent confusion.

WEBmd.com says that sometimes a baby needs nutrition-based sucking (is that just feeding?!)It also offered great tips for weening babies off of pacis

Dr. Sears talks about safe tip for paci use and reasons for not giving a paci

This blog attachedmoms.com described that pacifer means one that soothes, making me a natural pacifier. I like that :)

So after looking at these sites, I am still gonna wait till little Miss can ask for food to have a paci, one key point that convinced me is that comfort sucking can bring in milk supply.

What are your thoughts on paci use? 

Book Review: Beyond the Sling

Just finished reading Beyond the Sling by Mayim Baliak

Very, very interesting book. 

I was really fascinated by the different elements of the book. Mayim devotes her writing to her personal experiences with her two boys and raising them the attachment parenting way. 

Attachment parenting has been defined by extended breastfeeding, co sleeping, and baby wearing. Although Mayim talks about a few other rituals that I was unfamiliar with. 

Elimination Communication and 

Elimination communication is defined as  a practice in which a caregiver uses timing, signals, cues, and intuition to address an infant's need to eliminate waste. Caregivers try to recognize and respond to babies' bodily needs and enable them to urinate and defecate in an appropriate place (e.g. a toilet). Caregivers may use diapers (nappies) as a back-up in case of misses some or all of the time, or not at all. EC emphasizes communication between the caregiver and child, helping them both become more attuned to the child's innate rhythms and control of urination and defecation. 

 Learning about elimination communication was so weird (in a good way). Her kids were potty trained very soon after. I can' t remember the age, but definitely before 2.

I felt very convicted reading this book, as I felt like I wasn't doing enough. I hate when that happens. Its definitely on my shoulders, not because of what Mayim wrote. Her tone is very sweet and charming. But I felt as though I wasn't being a good mommy. Sometimes I let Lilly lay on the bed or in her rocker so that I can get some work around the house done. I'm not holding her constantly :(. But I really do want to purchase a baby sling because Lilly doesn't enjoy facing me. I tried the Baby Bjorn, but she doesn't like the position. Mayim describes this as an unnatural position (one with her legs a part). Mayim says that babies should face their mommy's belly/chest the first year of life. Maybe Lilly just is just in a phase, but she likes to look around and enjoys the different types of stimuli.

I did appreciate this read so so so much! I will recommend it to all friends who are pregnant or new mommies. It is fascinating and it is so wonderful to read a viewpoint on parenting! 

I really have come to love attachment parenting! It really embraces being a SAHM, breastfeeding, co sleeping and healthy lifestyles. I no longer feel like a hippie when I read about other's adventures in attachment parenting. I feel like I belong!!

The book is divided into three sections: What baby needs, What baby doesn't need and What mommy needs. I appreciate all points in this book. It does talk a bit about vaccinations, gentle discipline, and how to maintain relationships. 

I LOVED this book! 

I give it 5 stars!!

Attachment Parenting

I finished reading Dr. Sears' Attachment Parenting book. It was really insightful. I felt that it ultimately boils down to parenting true to your heart. No one is able to tell me how to take care of Lilly because we have a special and unique bond. Sure wise words are important and I'm a first time mom so of course I have to listen to my midwives about how to breast feed and general caring for a baby. However, just as I received negative criticism for my choice in a home birth, I know I will eventually receive more negative comments about babying Lilly or spoiling her too much. I have already heard a few unwanted comments. However, I think that it is important to be confident as a new mommy and when negative or unhelpful comments are said, they tend to linger and make me feel not good enough or failing as a momma. 

I'm here to say...

I know my Lilly Mae!

That was not meant to rhyme, but since it does it doesn't come off so negative :)

Attachment Parenting: My current thoughts

I am beginning to read a bit about Attachment parenting and have found that much of the criticism is due to those who are extremists. The whole idea of attachment parenting is to establish a bond with your child and not be reliant on others to give you advice. "No one knows your baby better than you do," and that is the truth right? It seems that as parents we enter into this competive race that requires us to show off how brilliant our child is due to our parenting skills I guess it actually starts when you get engaged and have to compare your diamond size to others, then its how wonderful your husband is. It kinda sucks. We are all individuals and yes there is great advice out there, but all can be taken with a grain of salt.

Attachment parenting does bring up the topic of extended breast feeding, where most of the controversy begins. I do find it fascinating that the United States is so eager to wean children off of the breast. I do understand that a child who is able to talk is a bit odd to see them breast feeing.  But for a culture so sexualized, I find it so interesting that public breast feeding is still taboo. I'm not taking a stance either way....yet, but it is a very interesting topic. I got quite a bit more to read and am anxious to also read Babywise, which is on the other end of parenting. Its focus is more on making sure the baby has a schedule (which is definitely important)

I will say that attachment parenting does support a healthy marriage and does NOT believe that the child should run the house. Discipline is necessary.

Attachment Parenting

After last weeks Time magazine, I began really looking into attachment parenting. Don't worry I won't be one of those moms with a 4 year old attached to my 'ta.'

Attachment parenting was made popular by Dr. Sears. 

Here is  a brief synopsis:

'Attachment parenting focuses on the nurturing connection that parents can develop with their children. That nurturing connection is viewed as the ideal way to raise secure, independent, and empathetic children. Proponents of this parenting philosophy include the well-known pediatrician William Sears, MD. They make the case that a secure, trusting attachment to parents during childhood form the basis for secure relationships and independence as adults.' (webmd.com)

It essentially boils down to these components: (thanks webmd.com)

1. Prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting. Proponents of attachment parenting believe it is important to eliminate negative thoughts and feelings about pregnancy. Doing so, they say, readies a parent for the emotionally demanding work of being a parent.
2. Feed with love and respect. Breastfeeding, proponents say, is the ideal way to create a secure attachment. It also teaches infants that parents will listen to their cues and fulfill their needs.
3. Respond with sensitivity. With attachment parenting, parents consider all expressions of emotions, including repeated tantrums, as real efforts at communication. Those efforts are to be taken seriously and understood rather than punished or dismissed.
4. Use nurturing touch. Attachment parenting proponents advise maximum skin-to-skin touching. Ways to achieve that include joint baths and "baby-wearing" -- carrying babies during the day in a front-facing sling.
5. Engage in nighttime parenting. Attachment parenting experts advise making "co-sleeping" arrangements. With co-sleeping, an infant sleeps in the same room with parents so they can feed and emotionally soothe the child during the night. Some parents practice "bed-sharing" or sleeping in the same bed with babies. It's thought that this creates an even more secure attachment. Precautions are advised, though, to help prevent sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS.
6. Provide constant, loving care. Proponents of attachment parenting advise the nearly constant presence of a parent. That includes during walks, parents' night out, and work. They advocate against childcare for more than 20 hours a week for babies younger than 30 months old.
7. Practice positive discipline. Parents are advised to distract, redirect, and guide even the youngest of babies, and to model positive behavior. Attachment parenting aims at understanding what a child's negative behavior is communicating. And parents are encouraged to work out a solution together with a child, rather than spanking or simply imposing their will on children.
8. Strive for balance in personal and family life. Parents are encouraged to create a support network, live a healthy lifestyle, and prevent parenting burn-out.

I definately agree with a lot of this. But just like any theory, there can be extremists. I'm gonna be going to the library and checking out books. Babywise is one that I would like to read, the complete opposite of attachment parenting. 

My first read though will be Simplicity Parenting.

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/what-is-attachment-parenting