Finding Rhythm While Being a Stay-At-Home Mom

Confession Time: I am not perfect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wish that was easier to understand as it is to write it. I think as a mother I've learned how each day really is a gift, sometimes that gift is an instant joy and other times it takes a bit to understand how much of a gift it is. As a natural people pleaser (as well as being sensitive) I take on a RIDICULOUS amount pressure when it comes to being a parent. I rarely give myself grace and strive every day to make it the best. On days that crash and burn, I find myself deeply upset and feeling as if I've let Peanut down. It's not enough that I tried because at the end of the day I don't feel successful. One of these days every now and then is fine, but I began realizing that I may be trying to harder to please others than actually be a great mom.

I've found that the best way for me to debrief is either on a run or at my MOMs group. I'm grateful that the women who are able to be sensitive to my feelings and let me unload about my inner struggles. I've always been an open book, probably more like an open door, as I usually pour my heart out too quickly and then often find it hurt.

I'm an over thinker as well, like I mention a people pleaser, and create expectations that I believe others are thinking of me, when in fact, they probably aren't. For instance, when people come over to my house, I clean and try to tidy up as best I can and during their whole visit instead of enjoying time with my guest. It's awful  and it truly takes up most of my day.




     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The scripture from Philippians 4:8-

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

 

 

 

In the midst of my day when I'm really struggling with this, I'm so thankful that God continues to bring this to light. I have begun to really focus on starting each day with a grateful heart, I truly believe that gratitude is what will combat my wandering mind.

 

 

It has been a wonderful gift to have participated in the MOMs  group at my church this year. I am eagerly awaiting next year's adventures as well. I have found that helping out is where I feel fulfilled and know I am using my skills that I was gifted with.

 

 

Do you have a community of supportive women around you?

 

 

Why I Can't Just Run

It seems that all I share about is my love for running. I know I'm obsessed. I never thought I was an outdoorsy kind of gal, but I crave hitting the pavement and rest days are SOOOOOOO difficult for me. 

I've noticed that since having Lil and doing more weights/toning my running has gotten stronger. I will say it was its strongest when I was doing hot yoga daily. Stretching is key to avoiding injuries, but its easier said then done. I got a foam roller from Christmas and LOVE LOVE LOVE it! It helps me stretch my muscles and gets me excited about stretching after running (I'm not sure that's possible, but it really works. You know how new running clothes make you faster. Like that!)

I've been working hard on staying strong and not skinny. I still have those nasty inner thoughts that tell me I need to be thinner, but you know that saying "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I think its wrong! Nothing feels as good as being STRONG! I love that I can throw Lil around, even though she's pushing close to 3o lbs (Way to go, LIL!!). I love that I can run and play with her. 

This is another reason why I want to start some sort of mommy workout community. Accountability is so important to staying on top of your health. It's easy to let your mind ttrick you into one more cookie and a week away from the gym. But when you incorporate friendship and camaraderie, who can resist that?!

I think that's why I'm so inspired by the Tone It Up ladies. They have realized the importane of being a part of a loving, health centered community. And they make it fun!!

Anyway, as much as I love to run, I'm trying to find more of a balance in my fitness life. 

However...did I mention that I'm training for a marathon...when will I learn?!

Do you have a fitness friend who keep you motivated? Who inspires you to stay healthy?

 

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13.1 QUICK MILES

Welp... another half under my belt.
The 9th annual Urban Cow Run.

It was so much fun. I was able to meet up with some ladies from the local chapter of Moms Run This Town. It was great. I started my first two miles with them and then headed off. The course was really nice. Beautiful and similar to the course I ran in March. It wound through neighborhoods, the mall, and by the river. Very nice. I'm not sure if it was my pace or the course but it went by quick. I remember looking at mile 3 and thinking "Am I gonna make it at this pace." With all the cheering and my hubby sending me encouraging texts, I knew I could.

1 hour and 48 minutes later I sprinted to end!! I BEAT MY TIME!!! Not a PR, but a PR for post baby and boy am I counting it!!

We also got super cute medals...they were cowbells.

It reminded me of not giving up. Throughout the course I was reminded of how strong we are. How physically demanding this was, but how rewarding it is. I learned to appreciate my strength and acknowledge my weaknesses (my knees). I find that I am still competitive, but am so eager to cheer others on throughout the course. I find that in life I am much the same. Impatient with others for their lack of drive, but wanting them desperately to succeed. Mad that they haven't sen their worth, but learning to let them find it and not be pushy.

Its a fine line.

Running has been such a blessing to me. And although most of the times I'm not enthused about it, I do it anyway because I know how I will feel at the end.

I sometimes wish we all had that drive. Or that I have it in moments of stress. Let it go and enjoy the ride. Be great-full for what I have been blessed with.



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What my daughter has taught me

You here it all the time "your kids will change you." "They'll teach you patience."

Sure sure, I understood that because being a teacher, I learned so much from my students.

But things are much more personal when the lessons come from your children.

But Lil has taught me how resilient children are. It was always a fear of mind that I would have to go back to work. That fear was crippling. When it was brought up, I refused to let it be an option. My thoughts were "I can't do that to her," "She'll never forgive me," "It will ruin her." It brought me to tears often. I felt that I would be choosing work over her. The love that I had for her has grown immensely and her adaptability with me going back to work has made me comforted and proud. Even though I am only working part-time, I miss her dearly during the days and often have to give myself a reality check that I am NOT ruining her.

Lil has taught me how learning is a process, not a destination. Being a teacher, I was destined to make sure my babies were the smartest. That they would be walking first, talking up storms and initiating friendships with others. I wanted to be able to brag about how 'advanced' she was. Thank you Lilly for not letting me be like that. Seriously, who likes to be around those people?!!! As others around her were crawling and getting into things, Lilly would sit and watch. She would entertain herself with a toy and was content with watching things around her. As her first birthday approached, I was eager to want to push her into walking. But I was reminded to as to what kind of parent I wanted to be: A Pusher or An Encourager. I chose the latter. And its been such a rewarding experience to see now all that she can do. Not because I pushed her, but because she developmentally can. I love to see her work problems out and be persistent. I love to see how cautious and calm she is. Its her personality after all. Despite the comments "Oh you just got an easy one," I truly believe that it is our approach to child rearing and finding the one that encourages and brings out the best in children. Even though it sometimes makes me sad that Lilly is in such an independent stage, I am SOOO PROUD that she has developed confidence in herself.

The life of a little one IS hard. Its so easy to say, "What's so hard, you're a baby. You've got it made." I know I am guilty of it. But seriously, imagine being in a place, you've never been and trying to communicate and navigate it all. When you ask someone in this new place a question. They mutter something to you. You continue to ask. That would be very difficult.They get more upset. You ask one more time, and they shout at you and point for you to leave. Do you get where I'm coming from (if not, I have a weird affinity for analogies, if it doesn't make sense, I apologize)And although Lilly gets, what I think, is frustrated easily, all of this really is new for her. And she hasn't yet developed the ability to make choices, rationalize, or understand the why. For goodness sakes, I still don't understand the why. I really feel like this lesson is the most important one I've learned. It's so easy to think that our stage of life is the most difficult, but I think we've got it easier than the little ones. They are learning trust, learning independence, learning about their environment.

What a blessing it is to be able to have a little one. To see them grow. Babies are such a reminder to love the simplicity in life and be challenged by the BIG world around us!

What lessons have you learned from others?

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JULY goals

Here were my goals for June:

Juice 5x a week

I've actually been juicing a lot more and love the feeling of fresh fruit/veggie juice!!

Cut back on caffeine and coffee

So this hasn't happened. I go back and forth about coffee. To drink, not to drink. I'm back to drinking it. I've been having ice coffee with whole milk and caramel more than once a day (oops). But it's the simple things in life right?

Run 100 miles (a real challenge as it will be HOT)

Accomplished!! Definitely wasn't as hot as July has begun. I got 120 miles!! Woot woot

Take more photos

Still working on this!! Little miss is getting more mobile and it's getting more difficult!

Read 5 books

I read 2!

Read my Bible everyday

Getting better, but need to make it more of a priority!

Write a card once a week to a friend

Nope!! Ugh!! Next month!!

 

Get more organized

Accomplished!! Still gots lots of work now that my sister is living with us!! It's funny to think how much I abhorred organizing and cleaning and now it's like a hobby of mine. 

This month's goals:

Write a card a week

100 miles this month of running

More yoga

Take more pictures

Prioritize Bible study

Read 3 books

Try something new 

What are your goals this month?

 

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How Running Has Made Me a Better Person

For My Fellow Runners

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I'd never thought I could run a mile, let alone 13 of them.

But each day, I strap on my shoes and head out.

Some days I run hard.

Others I need to walk.

Sometimes I bring water, but usually not.

Running for me is therapy.

To be able to run is such a gift (although many would say a curse :)

Running has made me a better person.

Each mile I sort through my angst, my pain, and anger.

I relive each memory, conversation, and dream.

I think of how I can be a better person, mom, wife, Christian.

Each mile I run, I pray for those who are hurting, lost, and rejoicing.

I thank God for what I'm blessed with.

When I run, I run to be a better person.

Why do you run?

 

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She Reads Truth: 1 Year Anniversary

I stumbled upon this last summer in July. She Reads Truth is an online community of women that share their thoughts and encourage one another in their faith.

YouVersion is an app that has all the She Reads Truth plans, but you can also use the You Version website, the She Reads Truth website, or sign up for their newsletter.

I've really treasured this study. 

I think my favorite has been Proverbs but its so hard to tell. 

They have all be faith changing. 

Prior to finding SRT, my bible really just collected dust.  

I wanted to be in a study, I wanted to be challenged. 

But with every goal, you need accountability to get there. 

And that was something missing. 

I have fallen more in love with Christ this past year. 

I've become more patient and wise. 

And I know I'm still a work in progress. 

There has definitely been a change in how I approach situations in my life. 

I have been reminded constantly how great God's love is for me and humanity. 

Despite all the tragedy our country has seen this year, God is so faithful and his grace has been revealed time and time again. 

I am so grateful for these women who participate in this community and those who have listened to the calling to pursue writing and investing in She Reads Truth!!

You've just gotta check them out!!  

Happy First birthday She Reads Truth!!

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I'm Not Good Enough

I've been trying to walk every day in April. Just something I thought would be a good idea. I'm a runner and walking is very difficult for me because it makes me feel weak and lazy. So it really pushes me to drop that mentality and stop and enjoy the weather and beauty around me. Plus I get to carry Lilly in the ERGo and she always makes funny sounds and noises that crack me up.

Well at the end of my walk I told myself these words "STOP, you are good enough!'

Often when I am not around others to express my thoughts, my inner voice gets the best of me.

That competitiveness that fuels my running also destroys my confidence as a woman, wife, and mother.

Again I was worrying about Lilly and if she was "good enough" and meeting everyone's expectations.

I hate writing those words. Its really embarrassing how often I think about myself and make everything out to be about me.

"oh no is someone talking about me."

"her reaction makes me feel like she doesn't think I'm a good parent."

Its funny because I was so confident about having a home birth and now as an attachment parent, I am falling prey to the negativity that I think others are thinking about me.

Are you still tracking with me?!

Why do we live in such a competitive culture. As a teacher, I see it all the time. Why didn't Johnny get an A on his test? Why is Sally not good in math?

Why can't we except that our kids are naturally good at everything and starting praising and appreciating them for what they are great at. And also teaching them the hard work that is needed to get better at something.

Okay I digress.

What I'm really trying to say is that I want to be more encouraging to others around me. I want to strengthen their confidence as a parent.

Do I feel insecure that I have to admit that Lilly still sleeps with us? YEP, and why? To appease others?

Why do I care? Because I feel that everyone has a right to an opinion and that they are right in their opinion.

Guess I don't understand of an opinion. :)

I'm really trying to break this cycle of negative thoughts and am hoping to find others to keep me accountable.

I guess we really are our worst critic.

As a parent have you had a hard time with opinions of others? Or am I the only one?

 

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Why I blog

Good Morning Readers!!

There have been several posts out there about why bloggers blog. And I've never shared why I blog. The first thing that comes to my head as a reader is that a blogger must think that they have some unique wisdom that hasn't been shared before. 

Its a pride thing?! 

But really its not. 

It's more about documenting your life story and hoping that someone can relate. We all have moments in life of joy and trial and sometimes its easier to live without abandon on a blog than in real life. That may sound like a shell that me as a blogger can share my true feelings in real life. 

Welp...most people that know me know that I tend to not have a filter and need to practice my manners sometimes. But I love reading other peoples blogs, especially when they go on rants. It makes me feel connected. Sure I like reading articles about parenting and love, etc., but it is so much more personal when I can hear the emotions in someone's writing. 

It is in our nature as women I think to have a venting session every now and then. Not gossip, but a chance to let someone hear our voice and listen/comment on our thoughts. 

I love reading other blogs and commenting because I know that thats why I blog...for connection. I want to know that I write or do is interesting, inspiring, or causes a reaction. I don't think that I need validation from everyone (well every now and then...I'm not perfect) :). 

But I really love to chronicle my life. It is easier for me to type out the moments in life then write them down. I used to be a serious journaler (I think I made this word up). I have at least 20 journals from high school. I've kept them all because they still are a part of me. Every now and then I will go back and look at what was going on in my life and also how I was feeling. It is especially funny to read what a high school girl in love wrote (Ah, embarrassing).

I really love to share my life with others in hopes that they may be able to relate or set the record straight. I know that my thoughts aren't perfect. 

On a quick side note, that is one thing that makes it hard about being a Christian. It's not the standard that people expect your to be at,  it drives me wild that there are so many people in this world that have been burned by 'Christians" because they made them feel like caca. I love having debates with people, especially other Christians. Isn't it important to know why you believe what you say. Many people get irritated by my desire to debate :)

But I feel like I want that from readers to. I don't always expect positive remarks. Especially when I begin writing more about parenting and childbirth.

I like to blog for myself and to gain connection with others.

 I'm sure this is totally unorganized, but that is just a glimpse into the crazy world I think in. 

Why do you blog? What prevents you from blogging? Is there any thing that you won't blog about?