Confession Time: I am not perfect.
Wish that was easier to understand as it is to write it. I think as a mother I've learned how each day really is a gift, sometimes that gift is an instant joy and other times it takes a bit to understand how much of a gift it is. As a natural people pleaser (as well as being sensitive) I take on a RIDICULOUS amount pressure when it comes to being a parent. I rarely give myself grace and strive every day to make it the best. On days that crash and burn, I find myself deeply upset and feeling as if I've let Peanut down. It's not enough that I tried because at the end of the day I don't feel successful. One of these days every now and then is fine, but I began realizing that I may be trying to harder to please others than actually be a great mom.
I've found that the best way for me to debrief is either on a run or at my MOMs group. I'm grateful that the women who are able to be sensitive to my feelings and let me unload about my inner struggles. I've always been an open book, probably more like an open door, as I usually pour my heart out too quickly and then often find it hurt.
I'm an over thinker as well, like I mention a people pleaser, and create expectations that I believe others are thinking of me, when in fact, they probably aren't. For instance, when people come over to my house, I clean and try to tidy up as best I can and during their whole visit instead of enjoying time with my guest. It's awful and it truly takes up most of my day.
The scripture from Philippians 4:8-
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
In the midst of my day when I'm really struggling with this, I'm so thankful that God continues to bring this to light. I have begun to really focus on starting each day with a grateful heart, I truly believe that gratitude is what will combat my wandering mind.
It has been a wonderful gift to have participated in the MOMs group at my church this year. I am eagerly awaiting next year's adventures as well. I have found that helping out is where I feel fulfilled and know I am using my skills that I was gifted with.
Do you have a community of supportive women around you?