I just stumbled upon 500 Days of Summer on tv. Oh how I love this movie. But its sooooo frustrating! He such a wuss and she is such a tease. That makes me ANGRY!! But the dance scene from the movie, so epitomizes what that feeling of butterflies in your tummy is like. This makes me so happy.
At one point, when the hubs and I were 500 days into our marriage, I wrote this:
500 days of marriage…and counting
I have loved being married to my best friend. And it hasn’t always been a walk in a park, but I don’t think I would want it that way. I began dating Steven as a junior in high school. I was a lovesick puppy for that boy. I knew that there was something incredibly special about him, and each day I am blessed by his personality and friendship. Coming from a family that didn’t stay together, I was determined to not let that affect me. And it didn’t , for a while. I am a very analytical person, to a fault sometimes. I ignored the stress and feelings from my parents divorce and once Steven and I got married, it hit me like a brick wall. I was so blessed to have had Steven by my side as I sorted through all my emotions, and there was plenty ;). To be married isn’t about showing everyone else how lucky you are. I just don’t think that that what its about. I have always struggled with comparing myself to others. When we get caught up in how much bigger the ring is or how fancy the wedding is or how my husband is sweeter, it just seems like a charade.
We have always referred to our relationship as a football game. There were off seasons, on seasons, pre seasons, and post seasons. Now that we are in a season and are learning how to build a better offense and defense, so to speak, it is wonderful to sit back and enjoy the game. Steven has been an amazing person in my life. He has been my best friend and a great coach. I have cherished the times that we get to spend together. They haven’t always been often, but they are always filled with love. I know that even in moments of stress and frustration, he will continue to love me. Something that I needed to learn; somehow, my idea of love was it was meant for perfect people, so “Hannah, you better get your act together.” I constantly talked about the what ifs in life and compared myself and our relationship to others. I could never measure up. Its not perfect, but I have let it go and allowed myself to be love, be myself, and be messy. This has a been a challenge that Steven has so gently helped me with.
Dating in high school is never an easy accomplishment, scratch that, dating isn’t easy and neither is high school. The combination is disastrous. Everyone has an opinion and it just gets so darn confusing. That is how I felt. Sometimes we won’t date or be vulnerable until were perfect. That is not the goal. I don’t believe that you should spend your whole life searching for the “one.” That, I believe causes, us, women to be critical and it will allow us to make an excuse for not fixing ourselves. Our relationship has never been perfect and we have always wanted to make that clear, so that others can ask us for help and we have the humility to ask others for help. It really comes down to understanding God’s love for us and relating that to marriage. Those big fights, seem to dwindle and dwindle when we realize that it is not about being right, but doing what is best for each other. I honestly believe that no matter how much the other person hurt you, you can still be sorry for something and learn a whole lot. I know that each day I’m gonna mess up, and I give that same grace toward Steven. We can’t always be perfect and respond perfectly.
I have quite the different outlook on marriage. I know that each day is a moment for me to grow and share that with someone else. I know that laughing usually makes things better. I know that its not always about me and making me feel special, but love is sacrificial and unconditional. I know that Steven is a wonderful man that continually surprises me with his intelligence, sense of humor, and love. I know that he will be a great father. And he is my best friend.