I guess it is time that I begin accepting the changes that are happening to my body. After recently purchasing new makeup to hide what I think is my face getting chubbier, I had an allergic reaction. I bought new makeup because we were going to be getting our maternity pictures and I didn't want to look like I had 45 marshmallows in my mouth and was about ready to play 'Chubby Bunny'. I guess it was time that I learn to appreciate the miracle growing inside of me instead of trying to fix my insecurities that I have always had with my self image and learn to love myself for who I am and not what I look like. I am constantly trying to reassure myself of this, that I don't have to worry about what I look like and to just be happy that I am healthy. But every now and then, that little devil creeps into my mind and convinces me that I am just not beautiful! Sometimes, I wish I lived in a different time or culture, where beauty didn't have a standard. But I know that the truth is, my human instinct is to feel insecure and 'not good enough'. I realized this today while I was on my walk with Gus and began running. I'm still able to run at 30 weeks!!! That is something to be excited about. I'm healthy enough to be able to run with the extra 20+ lbs I've gained. I can't run for long, but I can run! Some people don't have that luxury of being able to walk and I complain about my face looking too fat! That is just plain ridiculous. I know that I'll never get to the place where I am just content, but I at least hope to enjoy life and push that vain little devil out of my mind. It important that I continue to leave this one at God's feet and move on. I love the feeling of running and every time I run, I feel so great! As pregnancy continues its course, I want to be able to appreciate every moment of Lilly Mae's growth and not be concerned or angry that I don't look like that 'cute pregnant girl over there.'
I've disabled comments on this one because this is just me laying my feeling out and don't want any reader (someone out there :)) to feel like I'm fishing for a compliment.
Thanks for reading!!