Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I'm Not Good Enough

I've been trying to walk every day in April. Just something I thought would be a good idea. I'm a runner and walking is very difficult for me because it makes me feel weak and lazy. So it really pushes me to drop that mentality and stop and enjoy the weather and beauty around me. Plus I get to carry Lilly in the ERGo and she always makes funny sounds and noises that crack me up.

Well at the end of my walk I told myself these words "STOP, you are good enough!'

Often when I am not around others to express my thoughts, my inner voice gets the best of me.

That competitiveness that fuels my running also destroys my confidence as a woman, wife, and mother.

Again I was worrying about Lilly and if she was "good enough" and meeting everyone's expectations.

I hate writing those words. Its really embarrassing how often I think about myself and make everything out to be about me.

"oh no is someone talking about me."
"her reaction makes me feel like she doesn't think I'm a good parent."

Its funny because I was so confident about having a home birth and now as an attachment parent, I am falling prey to the negativity that I think others are thinking about me.

Are you still tracking with me?!

Why do we live in such a competitive culture. As a teacher, I see it all the time. Why didn't Johnny get an A on his test? Why is Sally not good in math?

Why can't we except that our kids are naturally good at everything and starting praising and appreciating them for what they are great at. And also teaching them the hard work that is needed to get better at something.

Okay I digress.

What I'm really trying to say is that I want to be more encouraging to others around me. I want to strengthen their confidence as a parent.

Do I feel insecure that I have to admit that Lilly still sleeps with us? YEP, and why? To appease others?

Why do I care? Because I feel that everyone has a right to an opinion and that they are right in their opinion.

Guess I don't understand of an opinion. :)

I'm really trying to break this cycle of negative thoughts and am hoping to find others to keep me accountable.

I guess we really are our worst critic.

As a parent have you had a hard time with opinions of others? Or am I the only one?

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